


It’s What he Would Want

by FangirlOfTheCentury



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fix It, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I’m very sorry, M/M, No Happy Ending Fest, S15E18, but make it more sad, major death, not really a fix it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28480581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirlOfTheCentury/pseuds/FangirlOfTheCentury
Summary: Castiel needed to do this to save him. To save the world. Dean would be okay without him, he had to be.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	It’s What he Would Want

Castiel watched as Dean tried to process his words. He looked so confused, so scared. Cas wished he could reassure him, but he knew he couldn’t keep rambling on. The feeling that engulfed his stomach and body was so freeing, it was though he had allowed for the weight of the world to be lifted off his shoulders. Cas would be whisked off to the empty and that was okay.

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?” Dean’s voice pierced Cas’s mind, derailing his thoughts only for a second that allowed him to wonder what if? What if this wasn’t a good idea? What if the pain of the other would outweigh the good that would come? What if he loved him back? The pain of delving into any of these would be too much, best to leave it unsaid, and keep powering forward. Dean needed to live.

“Because it is.” The emotions were overbearing, Cas has never allowed himself to feel at such an extent. Falling in love with the older Winchester was unplanned for, and never something he really thought to expand upon. Now he was pouring his heart out, standing open and vulnerable understanding the risk it would take. He should’ve been scared but he wasn’t. Nothing has ever felt more right in this moment then using his words, a deal he used to save Jack, to now save Dean. If he understood the undertones of poems, he might even say it was poetic.

“You changed me Dean.” Cas managed through his choked up state. Dean looked like he was trying to protest, but couldn’t find the words. That’s okay, Cas didn’t need him to say anything. This was the plan, summon the empty, stop billy, kill God, move on. Cas had been so engulfed in his confession he had stopped hearing the pounding of Death quite literally knocking on the door. Dean didn’t seem to notice either, as his eyes trained only on the angel. Nothing else in the world mattered except for this moment. “I love-“

The sound of flesh and bone cracking under Death’s scythe had managed to interrupt Cas. The empty that had begun to form was now disappearing almost in fear as the angel slowly gazed down to see the long curved piece of metal barely holding Dean together. The Winchester met Cas’s eyes before falling to his knees.

“I’m sorry Castiel. But it was his life, or mine. I’ve seen how this story goes.” She pulled the staff from Dean's chest causing him to gasp. Castiel stared in horror, his chest heaving as he fell to his knees, his hands shaking as he went to heal the wound, but Billy was too fast. The angel was tossed to the side and pinned to the wall, unable to pull away.

“Stop it, Billy please let me heal him please.” His face was still coated in his tears, but instead of content reassurance, it was panic and fear. He was supposed to save Dean, save the world, Cas- Cas wasn't fit for this, he couldn’t do it not without him.

“You know I can’t do that. You’re going to have to find a different way Castiel. But I can’t keep prolonging the inevitable.” Billy looked down to see Dean, who was quickly fading. His eyes falling shut only to force them back open again, just to look at Cas.

“C-Cas, Cas hey, hey it’s okay.” Dean managed to whisper through shallow breaths. Something ungodly had ripped through Cas, as he felt such a strong wave of grief pour through him, a broken sob against his better judgement echoed through the storage room. Billy seemed unimpressed. “Hey-hey listen to me.” Dean's voice was more stern now, despite how weak he still sounded. “You had your moment. My turn now. T-take care of Sammy for me okay? Okay, and you-you have to fix this, the world” Dean looked down at his wound, he should’ve bled out by now, but it seems Billy was allowing one final goodbye. “A-and damn it Cas- I love you too.”

The words were soft, but so heavy. Cas wanted to rip through the wall, save him, do anything, what should’ve been a breakthrough moment was ripped away, and he would be losing Dean for what. Big heavy tears fell down Cas’s cheeks, his eyes wide as he watched in fear as Billy seemed to intervene.

“Times up boys.” Billy bent down and touched Dean’s shoulder, in which Cas saw his eyes shut, and his body grow limp and lifeless as he slumped against the wall. As Death disappeared it was only then that Cas could run towards him. He was quickly on the ground, his eyes still wide with shock as he pressed his hand into the wound. He should’ve understood, should’ve handled this like he had been able to every other time they lost someone, but this felt different.

“No no no please. Please Dean.” Cas moved his arms down, and before he could process what he was thinking he had managed to lift his upper half and hold him to his chest. All those nights of Cas wondering what it would be like to hold Dean, never once did he imagine anything as horrific as this. The angel's hands held tightly onto the lifeless body, his nose and cheek pressed firm into the top of his head. “Please, please I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry” he whispered rocking gently as though it would lure the other back to life.

It was quiet for a moment. The silence of the room allowed for Cas to be with Dean, and hold him until the world eventually ended. The stillness of the room almost allowed for Cas to forget, after all this couldn’t be real, nothing about this moment was real. Then he heard it, the soft buzzing of deans phone, oh.

Cas didn’t have to look at the phone to know who was calling, it was Sam. He was checking in to make sure everyone was okay, maybe give an update on Jack or god or whoever. It didn’t matter, none of it mattered. Cas would have to be the one to tell him that Dean was dead, Cas would be the one who would have to tell him that he let Sam’s big brother die, that he couldn’t do anything.

As the phone continued to ring, Cas let out deep heavy sobs that he could no longer suppress. A feeling that he had kept down for so long was no longer worth hiding in, there was no one to pretend for. Sam and Jack were living in ignorance, Dean was dead. And Cas, well he’s alone. Guttural noises tore through the angel, the stillness gone as he cried into the others shoulder, holding his body closer as if he would hold him back.

After what felt like years Cas managed to pry himself from Dean, only to welcome the familiar feeling of numbness as he made his way out of the room to find a place for him to rest before giving him a hunters burial. Cas eventually called Sam. He didn’t say much, just that he and Jack needed to come back to the bunker as soon as possible, it was then that Cas learned that everyone in the world was gone. He, Sam, And Jack were all this world had left. Sam rattled off a couple names of those who he wished he could’ve saved, his words fumbling a bit on Eileen’s. Cas flinched when he realized Sam has truly lost everything. Everything but a hellbound angel, and the son of Lucifer. When Sam asked about Dean, Cas didn’t answer, but rather just told him to hurry.

Jack, and Sam had managed to get to the bunker in record time. There being no one on the road probably helped in that, but it didn’t make things any easier when the younger brother burst through the door. “Dean? Cas?” Sam called out, and the angel appeared from the corridor looking as though he had lost 20 years of his life. “Cas- Cas what’s wrong where’s Dean?” Sam looked terrified, the sight of Cas wasn’t helping, and Jack stood silent behind Sam. When Cas didn’t say anything, but rather glanced at the table where he had placed Dean, Sam nearly buckled to the floor.

“No-“ he whispered. Cautiously Sam made his way over to the table, and slowly lifted the white sheet that had covered Dean’s body, revealing his lifeless face. Tears welled in his eyes as he went to hold his brother's face. “No- no what happened. Cas what happened” his voice wavered as he spoke, and his body seemed to shake violently. His eyes never left deans body as he asked again. “Tell me what happened.”

“Billy attacked. I was going to sacrifice myself, I made a-a deal a while back to save Jack from the empty. I was going to take his place- I was going to go to the empty and take Billy with me to save Dean.” Cas rambled on, Jack looked at Cas as if he was crazy to even think about attempting to pursue that, but Cas pressed on. “Instead- the warding didn’t hold. She came in before the empty could-could take us. And she killed Dean. I tried Sam. I'm so sorry.”

“Can we bring him back? We’ve brought people back before, we’ve all been brought back before?” Jack’s voice had hope. It hurt Castiel how much this kid believed.

“We don’t have time. Not now. We only have so many days until Chuck attacks and we- we need to bring humanity back. Then we’ll see about Dean.” Sam wiped at his face, and moved the sheet to cover his brother. “For now we press on. It’s what Dean would want.”

**Author's Note:**

> Something about looking at this episode from a different perspective changes the whole plot line. I don’t think this would have made the episode better, but I do think the plot twist would have been very interesting if they had been planning on doing another season. I hope you enjoyed my sad little story, and it broke your heart to read it as much as it did me to write it :)


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